Robert Grisham -

1198 Forest Ave Project

Published by on September 30, 2021

I couldn’t be more excited by how our latest renovation project turned out. Last winter we did our first mailer to neighborhoods where we have renovated houses in the past. We got two phone calls as a result. One was from the long-term (and out of state) owner of 1198 Forest Ave. He was getting out of the rental business, and this was his last one in Memphis. We went to see it and immediately knew that we would like to buy it. We loved the location (walking distance to Crosstown Concourse), and we loved the fact that there were five bedrooms. His estimate of how much it would cost to renovate the home was too low, which meant that the price he wanted wasn’t going to work for us. We were able to settle on a price we both thought was fair, and a few weeks later we closed.

Here are some photos from when we purchased the home.

The home had a newer roof and HVAC, though the entire system had been stolen a year or so ago. So we had to install a new system. In addition, we decided to add a second system for the upstairs. We knew that we needed to replace everything in the kitchen (flooring, lights, cabinets, countertops & appliances). We would also be painting the interior and exterior, and refinishing the hardwoods upstairs. The other main issue was that while there were five bedrooms, there was only one full bathroom downstairs plus a half bath upstairs. We would need to figure out how to have at least two full bathrooms.

Our solution was to enlarge the half bath to accommodate a full bathroom. To do this we just made one of the bedrooms a bit smaller. I was very happy with the design decision.

The entire project took about four months. Normally we start looking for tenants once the project is complete, but this time we were able to find someone a month before we were finished. Final touches are today, and our new tenants move in tomorrow!

Here are some photos of the finished product.

Formative Books – Work & Productivity

Published by on September 16, 2021

In previous posts I have shared my favorite books on the topics of spirituality and money. Now I’d like to highlight those books that have most helped me to do my work. As a long-term solo entrepreneur, I’ve rarely had someone looking over my shoulder to ensure that I was actually doing my work. That may sound heavenly to you, but it’s meant that I’ve had to develop systems and habits so that I actually get things done. Like previous posts, this list is in the order of when I first encountered these works.

First up is Time Management for Dummies, by Jeffrey Mayer. You may chuckle with this one, but this was the first productivity book I ever read. I read it during a time I had a job in which no one was there telling me what to do. I had to figure out how schedule my days so that I actually got things done. While I don’t remember much specifically about the book, there is one exercise that I continue to use. It’s the master list. You take a yellow notepad and write down everything that you need to get done. I now primarily use Nozbe for my to do list, but when there is a lot on my plate, I come back to that master list. There’s something about getting everything from my brain to a piece of paper that is clarifying.

Next is The 4-Hour Workweek, by Tim Ferriss. I’m a big fan of Tim Ferriss. I’ve been listening to his podcast since soon after it launched in 2014, and I’ve read just about all of his books. It was through this book that I first began thinking about concepts like life design, mini-retirements, and remote work. I’m fairly certain that a lot of my thoughts on working the system probably came from Tim as well. This is a book I come back to every few years.

Next up is StrengthsFinder 2.0, by Tom Rath. I first took the StrengthsFinder assessment back in 2001, but I didn’t have anyone really help me to understand it. But in 2010 our church had a consultant come and spend a weekend with us. I learned that my top five strengths were Command, Self-Assurance, Adaptability, Activator, and Arranger. This gave me language to understand the tasks I do that make me feel strong. I began to understand that this is a unique way that God has designed me, and it’s good for me and others when I spend the bulk of my time living and working out of these strengths. If you’ve never taken this assessment you can do so here. I highly recommend it.

Next up is Anything You Want, by Derek Sivers. The subtitle is 40 Lessons for a New Kind of Entrepreneur. I like that. I first heard Derek on the Tim Ferriss podcast, and I was immediately a fan. He is about as outside the box as you can get, and more than just about anyone I’ve ever heard about, his decisions and day to day activity are so rooted in his values and desires. This is a short book with short chapters, and it’s another one that I come back to every few years.

Greg McKeown’s Essentialism came at a perfect time in my life. I was doing too many things, and this book helped me make some radical changes. What do I feel deeply inspired by? What am I particularly talented at? What meets a significant need in the world? At the center of these three questions are just a few things. I understood that my focus needed to be on these things. That meant that I needed to stop doing a lot of other things. And that’s where the next book helped immensely.

Before Free to Focus was a book, it was a course by Michael Hyatt. It was one of the best investments I’ve ever made, and it continues to bear fruit in my life. It was from Hyatt that I learned how to construct an ideal week. The course/book also helped to give me the courage to cut out a lot of things I was doing that might have seemed urgent, but that weren’t really that important. It also gave me the skills to automate a lot of the tasks that I did on a day to day or week to week basis.

Deep Work, by Cal Newport, was another big one for me. The idea behind the book is that a lot of the work that is needed today is what he would call deep work. The problem is that the way so many of us spend our working days pushes against deep work. We are so easily distracted. What I learned through this book was to have time set aside during my most productive hours (morning) that was devoted to this kind of deep work. During that time I wouldn’t check email or browse the web for whatever entered my mind at that moment. It’s a discipline for sure, but it’s one that totally pays off.

The Complete Enneagram, by Beatrice Chestnut, is similar to StrengthsFinder in that I believe that the more I understand about myself, the better I’m going to be. Everything starts inside and works itself out. I’ve written on the Enneagram before, so I won’t repeat myself here. But of all the books on the subject I’ve read, this one is by far my favorite.

There was a time in my life when I was a workaholic. I worked a lot because I loved my work, but I also worked a lot because I felt better about myself when I did. Burnout was of course the end result of this kind of unhealthy lifestyle. Rest, by Alex Soojung-Kim Pang, taught me to take seriously the need for intentional rest and play. There are chapters in this book about taking walks and taking naps. Simple yet very counter-cultural.

Off the Clock, by Laura Vanderkam, has been out for awhile, but I didn’t read it until this year. I had read a couple of her other books, but this one is definitely my favorite. In one of her earlier books, Vanderkam encourages the reader to keep track of how their 168 hours (one week) were spent. This is an activity that I’ve done several times, and it’s one that I highly recommend. The subtitle of this book isn’t just a catchy line. I think it’s truly possible: “Feel less busy while getting more done.”

Two Weeks in Switzerland – Pt.2

Published by on September 7, 2021

In my last post I shared about our desire to go back to Switzerland this summer. In this post I’d like to document the planning process. We still have many months to go, but I’m happy to report that all of our flights and lodging have been booked!

This post is going to be long and very detailed, but that’s how the planning process really is. Planning a trip to another country is a complicated process, but hopefully what I share here will help anyone else who wants to take it on.

I mentioned in the last post that I hoped to pay for half of this trip with points. I first discovered “travel hacking” right before we took our month long trip to Europe in the summer of 2018. We had saved up for over a year for that trip, but it was a bit frustrating to learn that I could have saved SO much money had I understood travel hacking earlier. I won’t make that mistake this time, and hopefully you won’t as well.

To get started, we knew that we wanted to go back to the Lauterbrunnen Valley, and we wanted to stay at the same chalet. It’s in a small car-less village called Wengwald. Mandy found and booked this place a year before our last trip. It was affordable, and it had so many great reviews. To help explain how magical this place was, this was our view every morning we stepped out the door.

Now you can see why we felt the immense need to get back to this place!

Once we had decided to spend our entire two weeks in Switzerland, we knew we could spend at least five days here. So that’s what we are going to do.

We also decided that we would like to spend some nights in Mürren. The elevation in Wengwald is around 4200 ft above sea level. In Mürren it’s 5500 ft. We did some of our favorite hikes in this area. And one of our favorite memories from our time there was eating Magnum ice cream bars on a bench and having a little old lady stop by and ask us to make sure that we didn’t drop any of the chocolate onto the street. Never had that happen before!

So we booked this place in Mürren for five nights. Ten nights down. Where else should we go? Before I get to that, let’s discuss flights, because this is where things get pretty tedious. I started the process off by going to Google Flights. I had at first assumed that we would fly out of New York like we did last time. So I began searching for the best flights there. We then decided that Chicago would be a better option since we could fly nonstop via Southwest. So I started searching for the cheapest flights from there to Zurich. There I discovered that we would save a lot of money going at the beginning of June rather than the end of June or July.

From there I went to the Chase Ultimate Rewards site. My default credit card for the past several years has been the Chase Sapphire Preferred. And since it had been four years since I had gotten the bonus, I was able to apply for a new one. I first had to downgrade my existing card to the Chase Freedom Unlimited, which has no annual fee and gives you 1.5 points per $1 spent. And then I had to apply for a new card. The new bonus is 100,000 points, which is the highest ever. If you don’t have the Chase Sapphire Preferred, you should definitely get it. And if you do decide to apply, it would be awesome if you used this link, as they’ll give me some points as well!

There are times when it’s best to transfer Chase Ultimate Rewards to partner airlines and hotels. I’ve done that with Southwest and Hyatt. I looked into those options for my flights. I ended up booking through the Chase travel portal though. Here is a great tutorial for using this site. The bottom line is that you search for flights just like any other site, but instead of paying with cash, you use your rewards, and the rewards when you have the Chase Sapphire Preferred are worth $0.125. So four tickets from Chicago to Zurich costing $2425.76 cost us 194,060 points instead. Not a bad redemption, especially considering the fact that I paid a $95 annual fee to get 100,000 of those needed points through this credit card!

Since we knew that we would be flying in and out of Zurich, we knew we wanted at least two nights there. Zurich is the largest city in Switzerland. It’s also one of the most expensive cities in the world. So now we had a large city. And we had villages in Wengwald and Mürren. We decided that we wanted a couple of nights somewhere in between. So we settled on two nights in this apartment in Luzern. We will be arriving in Zurich mid-afternoon, and the next morning we’ll probably wake up around 2:00 or 3:00 in the morning. Jet lag will hit us hard in Luzern, but it will be a good place to shake that off by exploring a new city.

And then we were down to Zurich. Did I mention that Zurich is one of the most expensive cities in the world? It’s #5 according to this article (have you even heard of #1!). As with the other stops on our trip, we opted for apartments rather than hotels since our boys are only getting bigger. More space is helpful. I read lots of blog posts and purchased Rick Steves’ book so that I would better understand which neighborhoods would work best. We settled on this apartment for two nights.

At this point I have booked flights from Chicago to Zurich as well 14 nights in vacation rentals. All that is left is our flights from Memphis to Chicago, plus a night in a hotel on either end of the trip. Our first thought was to fly Southwest. We’ve had the companion pass for the last couple of years, which has really saved us money. It expires at the end of 2021, and I may opt to wait a year before trying to get it again. The other issue with Southwest is that they fly into Midway, and our Zurich flight is in and out of O’Hare.

I went back to the Chase travel portal and found that I could book four nonstop flights from Memphis to Chicago for $1035.20, or 82,816 points. We went with the points. The good thing with that, besides using points instead of cash, was that we would fly in and out of O’Hare instead of Midway. Now all that was left was booking hotels. I chose a Hampton Inn for our first night. We will arrive at O’Hare that morning around 9:30 and then will take the free airport shuttle to our hotel, where we’ll leave our bags before heading downtown for the day. We’ll have the next day completely free as well. We’ll check out, leave our luggage, and head back downtown. Our other thought is to do a college tour or two that day. After a fun day of something, we’ll had back to the hotel, pick up our luggage, take the airport shuttle to O’Hare, and fly our at 10pm .

Our return flight from Zurich arrives in Chicago around 6pm. It’s going to feel like 1am to us, so once we clear customs and get a bite to eat, we’ll take that free shuttle to the Hyatt Place, which I paid for with Hyatt points, and crash. The next morning we fly out at 10am. Nice to not be too rushed that morning, even though I’m sure we’re going to be up EARLY.

Since this post has gotten rather lengthy, I think I’ll save a bit for a last post. In that post we’ll discuss transportation once we get into Switzerland, plus I’ll share some things we learned during our last trip that will help us this time around.

Two Weeks in Switzerland Pt. 1

Published by on August 31, 2021

Our family spent a month in Europe in the summer of 2018. Our itinerary covered the following places:

New York City
Valencia, Spain
Rome
Vatican City
Vernazza (The Cinque Terre)
Milan
The Lauterbrunnen Valley in Switzerland
Paris
London

It was an epic trip, and though we’d love to go back to all of those cities, it was Switzerland that most captured our hearts.

A year or so ago we started thinking about going back. We have begun planning for a two week trip to Switzerland for next summer, and because I know what goes into planning a trip like this, I thought I would document the planning on this blog.

Our first thought was to spend a week in Germany and then another week in Switzerland, but as Mandy and I have continued to discuss, we’ve decided to just do Switzerland. One reason is COVID-19. Who knows what things will look like next summer, but we feel that there is less risk if we stick with one country.

I plan to write at least two blog posts. In this first post I’ll share my goals for the trip as well as the steps we’ll be taking over the coming weeks to make this an unforgettable trip for the Grisham family. In post #2 I plan to get really specific on the plans that we make.

So first off, what are our goals?

Adam will be getting ready to start his senior year of high school. It’s possible that this will be our last big trip with the four of us. Wow. Writing that is hard. Now I’m sad. The bottom line is that I want to create a few more memories next summer with my family.
I’d like for at least half of the cost of the trip to come from points. That would first be airfare to and from Europe. And then it will hopefully include a few hotels here and there. Though not impossible, it’s a little tougher to book vacation rentals with points, so those will probably have to be cash purchases. And then excursions and food will of course be cash purchases. But I’ll feel great if half of the cost can come from the redemption of points.
All four of us come alive when we travel. It’s our favorite thing to do. Switzerland is going to give us a great combo of cool cities to explore as well as small car-less villages where we can hike and live like locals for a few days.
Finally, I love helping others plan epic trips like this, so hopefully the reader comes away with some tips and tricks.

And now for next steps. Here are the questions that need to be answered over the next few months.

What is our budget?
Where in Switzerland do we want to go?
What are the best dates for this trip?
When do we book flights, and what is the best way to pay for these flights with points?
Once we get to Switzerland, how do we get around?
What hotels or vacation rentals are our best bets for lodging?

Work that System

Published by on July 27, 2021

For the past few weeks I’ve been wearing around the self preservation seven hat, and I continue to learn more and more things about myself. You could say that things have been making more sense lately.

I thought of the phrase “gaming the system” while we were in Boulder a couple of weeks ago. I looked the phrase up, and it unfortunately has negative connotations.

However, the phrase “working the system” has positive connotations, so I went with that. Here’s how it’s fleshed itself out in my life. If I find myself within a system that has loopholes (that are both legal and ethical), there is something within me that wants to take advantage of those loopholes. It’s why I’m so big into travel hacking with credit cards. It’s also one of the reasons I was so excited for Mandy’s new job. It gave us the opportunity to both have a flexible schedule, which is so great for our lifestyle.

I recognized this during a couple of moments from our trip out west as well. A few months ago I opened up a Brex credit card. It was a promotion targeted at small business owners. I ended up with 80,000 points. I would normally use points for travel only, but this time I decided to cash the points out. I redeemed 30,000 points, which gave me $300 on the Brex card. I then used that cash at restaurants on our trip. Towards the end of the trip Mandy figured out what I was doing. She said she had noticed that I was way more laid back than normal when spending money. It was true. Normally I get a little uptight spending money, especially when I don’t think it’s necessarily a good deal. Jackson, WY, was especially pricey. But this way I was offsetting the expensive prices. I was getting free food – I was working the system!

The second moment came a few days into our time in Yellowstone. For those of you who don’t know, Yellowstone in the summer is very crowded. In the weeks leading up to our trip I heard that record crowds were going to be visiting the National Parks this summer. I confess that there was a bit of dread. And those first two days we truly experienced the crowds, and it wasn’t great.

So the third morning I woke up early and was out the door by 6am. I had the park to myself. I drove around Yellowstone Lake, occasionally stopping to watch the sunrise. Then I made my way into Hayden Valley. This was my first time there, and it was breathtaking. There was the sunrise. There was the steam from the many geothermal features. And then there were so many animals. And there were hardly any vehicles.

You know how you can pay extra at a theme park for early bird hours. I think that can be a good deal when you’re traveling at peak times. Well this is what I was doing, except that I didn’t have to pay a cent. I just had to get up early. The next morning Mandy got up with me, and we repeated the journey. It was a highlight of the trip.

These are examples of what it means for me to work the system. I recognize that you might be chuckling while reading this, coming to the conclusion that this is a bit odd. But it’s me. There’s something inside of me that comes alive when I do this. Now I just have a name for it!

Morning Reflections

Published by on July 6, 2021

For the past several days I haven’t slept well. I’ve had trouble going to sleep, and I’ve woken up too early. So this morning I I was able to sleep in a bit, which was very much needed. I ate breakfast and did a bit of reading, and then I went outside to work. I pulled weeds in the front flower beds, then I used my trusty Echo Trimmer in the front and back yards. Finally, I swept and bagged everything, and then used the blower to finish things off. Everything looks very nice.

By the time I had showered and dressed, it was a little after 10:30. Much of my work day is gone. But that’s ok. Here’s why.

As I was working I was also listening to a podcast. The podcast is Dave Barnes’ and Jon McLaughlin’s Dadville, and in the episode they interviewed Jon Tyson. I was reminded that I need to come back to Jon Tyson more frequently than I currently do. I would describe Tyson as a dude who is fully alive and passionate, and I am reminded that I am at my best when I am fully alive and passionate. I’m not talking about putting on a false front that looks fully alive and passionate. I’m talking about doing activities that lead to life and passion as a natural byproduct.

So much of the time we live our lives on auto pilot. We work, we have family time, and we throw in some fun here and there. It doesn’t mean that things are bad. It just means that things could be better. Maybe it means that we’re lacking some meaning or purpose, or that we’re simply getting by.

Jon has been a formative voice in my life for the past eight years, and when I listen to him, something inside me stirs. I remember that I’m made for more. The topic he was talking about in this podcast was intentional parenting. I would guess that 75% of my strategy for helping to form my sons into men has come from Tyson’s work. It’s a topic that excites me.

So what does all of that have to do with me waking up this morning and doing manual labor?

It all fits together. Working outside in the heat does something inside of me. I remember in the moment that this house and this yard are gifts, and I’m meant to steward them well. I feel a sense of pride as I work hard. Listening to an interview that gets me thinking and dreaming also does something inside of me. And now, my guess is that I will get more done in five or six hours of work than I would have in eight hours of work had I started without these activities.

It’s weird how that works, and I might chalk it up to coincidence if I didn’t have a track record of it repeating itself over and over again. I’m grateful for the reminder, but more than that I’m grateful for my current emotions and mindset as I dive into the rest of my day.

My Enneagram Journey

Published by on June 29, 2021

I first heard about the Enneagram in the early 2000’s, but I didn’t really get into it until around five years ago. To say that it has been helpful is quite the understatement. I’ve always gotten a lot out of personality studies. StrengthsFinder was huge for Mandy and I when we first dug into it a decade ago, and the Enneagram has only added to this. As I’ve gotten more into the Enneagram, though, I have found it to be much deeper than anything else I’ve encountered. I feel that it’s difficult to exhaust all that I can learn through the Enneagram, and that’s what is so great about it.

This blog post presumes that the reader has at least a rudimentary understanding of the Enneagram and the nine types. If you don’t, or if you just need a refresher, check out Integrative Enneagram Solutions and The Enneagram Institute. My hope with this post is to give an example of how someone would go through the process of discerning one’s type.

When I first started reading several years ago, my first thought was that I might be a Three, but I had a couple of friends say that they didn’t see that. It was Mandy who first suggested that I might be a Seven. The Road Back to You, by Ian Cron and Suzanne Stabile, was the first book I read cover to cover. I immediately dismissed the Seven as a possibility because of some of the stories the authors told. As I read that book, a Seven to me was personified by the class clown. It’s the person who is the life of the party. Neither of those have ever been me. So I quickly dismissed the Seven.

However, as I read more, and discussed it with Mandy and a couple of friends, I began to explore the idea that I had perhaps dismissed it too quickly. Learning about the triads was my first step towards the Seven. There are three triads, each made up of three of the numbers of the Enneagram.

There is the Body triad, made up of Eights, Nines and Ones. There is the Heart triad, made up of Twos, Threes and Fours. And then there is the Head triad, made up of Fives, Sixes and Sevens. As my study continued, I began to gravitate towards the Head triad. Those in the Head triad are driven by fear, though each number handles it differently. Fives externalize fear, Sixes internalize fear, and Sevens forget fear. When I read this, I knew that I was in the Head triad. I live in my head. And I am very driven by fear. So this meant that I was likely a Five, Six or Seven. I quickly dismissed the Six, so that left me with Five and Seven.

On this Typology podcast I learned about stances. Here’s what Ian Cron had to say:

“The social styles of the nine Enneagram types are divided into three stances: assertive, compliant, and withdrawn. Stances refer to the basic posture of each type and how they move in the world. The Assertive Stance (Types Three, Seven, Eight) moves against others and takes action to get their needs met. The Compliant Stance (Types One, Two, Six) moves toward others to meet their needs externally. The Withdrawing Stance (Types Four, Five, Nine) moves away from others by turning inward to find fulfillment.”

There are areas of this journey that have not always been clear, but this is definitely not one of them. I 100% am Assertive. This means that I am most likely a Three, Seven or Eight. If you want to read more on these stances, check out this article.

The final piece of discernment came when I heard this question: “What were you like in your early 20’s?” That was a very helpful question. Coming out of college, my biggest fear was that I would settle. Settle for doing what everyone else did or for living where everyone else lived. Settle for a typical job making a good salary. Those can be fine things, but I felt that I would be missing out on something more. I didn’t have a clue what that something more was, but it eventually took us to the SF Bay Area for further exploration. All of this is very typical of a Seven.

With each step in my journey I found myself moving closer to identifying as an Enneagram Seven. There are three areas that I believe all Seven’s have in common. They have to do with pain, authority and freedom. I’ll share the relationship I’ve had with each of these.

Pain
The need for a Seven is to avoid pain. Again, the way that we do that is through forgetting about it. I am an all star when it comes to reframing pain. When I was in college I gave a speech (in speech class) that was about a defining moment in my life. I talked about my parent’s divorce when I was four years old. In the speech I mentioned Romans 8:28, which says, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” I could say with certainty that God had taken something bad and had brought about good in my life. I am a glass half full guy. I’m an optimist. I don’t struggle to find the silver lining in any challenge or difficulty. I love that about me, but the Enneagram has helped me to understand what is behind that. It’s often due to the fact that I don’t want to sit with my pain.

A key question for a Seven is, “What do you do with your pain?” As an exercise at an Enneagram workshop I went to a couple of years ago, this question was asked of me, not once, but over and over again. My first response was, “What pain?” That seems to be the first response for most Seven’s. The reason the question is repeated is that you have to dig deeper. There is pain in all of us, but Sevens do an amazing job covering it up. But to grow in health, one must go to those places of pain and deal with them.

I’ve found that there are some major ramifications to this in marriage. Reframing someone else’s pain has gotten me in trouble quite often. It’s difficult. When Mandy lost her job this spring, I immediately saw the positives. In that moment I had a larger vision for her life than I probably ever had for mine. Yet what she needed in the weeks to come wasn’t optimism and strategy. She needed me to sit with her in her pain. To listen and to love. That does not come easy for me, but it’s a discipline that I must continue to work on, both for myself as well as for those I love.

Authority
A Seven dislikes authority. To be more specific, they don’t want to be under authority, and they really don’t want to be in authority over others. To a Seven, authority equals limitations and control. I see that playing out in my life time and again. I’ve been a working adult for twenty-five years, and during that time I have had a lot of jobs. In fact, I’ve pretty much always had more than one job at a time. But in those many jobs I have rarely been managed by others, and I’ve also rarely managed others. I would characterize my jobs primarily as solo entrepreneurship.

Twenty years ago I was living in the SF Bay Area pursuing a masters degree and preparing to start a church. One of my non-negotiables was that I wanted to do that with a team. Part of that was because I strongly valued community, but as I look back on that now, I see that it was also because I wanted a flat structure. I didn’t think anyone needed to be in charge. We would all figure it out together. I chuckle a bit as I write that. It rarely worked very well, but I now understand some of the reasons behind why I wanted it.

Freedom
The ultimate goal for a Seven is freedom. A Seven hates to be locked in. They want to keep their options open. Commitment is difficult for a Seven because it can push against the desire for freedom. This has always been a big theme in my life. I’m extremely flexible, and I embrace change almost too easily. I’ve even been known to blow something up that was going great simply because I felt locked in and got bored. I didn’t know I was doing it at the time, but I did it nonetheless. Thankfully I’ve grown a lot since then.

One of the ways that a Seven deals with pain or boredom is through planning. I love to plan, especially when it comes to travel and other adventures. I heard one Seven say that a Seven goes on vacation to plan his next vacation! Boy do I resonate with that. One month ago Mandy and I went on vacation to Mexico. A few weeks earlier I was afraid that the trip might be cancelled due to COVID-19 lockdown in Mexico. One morning I woke up really early thinking about this. I decided to plan a backup trip. Around thirty minutes later Mandy woke up, and I, in a way more excited state than is warranted for that early in the morning, proceeded to share with her how I was ready to book a trip to Miami. I had the flights and hotels already picked out, and I was doing it all with points! She looked at me for a moment, and then said, “I think we’re going to be able to go to Mexico.” Then she turned over and went back to sleep. I didn’t think about that trip again, but those thirty minutes of planning sure were fun!

Thinking through these three areas has really helped me to settle in on the fact that I am a Seven. This has helped me to dig deeper into my motivations. It’s helped me to ask deeper questions. It’s helped me to pause and really take notice of pain rather than immediately trying to reframe it. I’d like to think that this has helped me to become more healthy.

Where the Enneagram gets really interesting is when you learn about the subtypes. There are lots of helpful books on the Enneagram, but my favorite has to be The Complete Enneagram, by Beatrice Chestnut. She has done a lot of work on the subtypes. Each of the nine Enneagram types has three subtypes, so in reality there are actually 27 types.

When delving into the subtypes, you need to understand about instincts. There are three instincts, and each of the nine types has all three of them. There is the self-preservation instinct, which focuses attention on personal safety and security. There is the social instinct, which focuses attention on the greater good of the community. And there is the sexual instinct, which focuses attention on one-on-one relationships. We have all three instincts, but there is a dominant one for each of us.

I have spent the last couple of months learning about these instincts so as to seek to figure out which subtype I was. I knew that I wasn’t a Sexual Seven. These are the charismatic wooers. Not me. I’ve had a couple of friends suggest that I might be a Social Seven. It’s the countertype for Sevens where sacrifice becomes the theme. While I’ve seen that in myself at times, it’s not that dominant. I don’t like writing this here, but I care too much about having my own needs met to be a Social Seven.

After a lot of reading and assessing, I identify as a Self-Preservation Seven. Here’s how Beatrice Chestnut describes Self-Preservation Sevens:

“These Sevens are very practical, good at networking, and skilled at getting what they want and finding a good deal; they tend to be opportunistic, self-interested, pragmatic, calculating, and clever. They readily recognize opportunities for creating an advantage for themselves. Self-Preservation Sevens always have their nose to the wind for good opportunities. They find ways to get what they need and want, and they have an easy way of finding pathways to making things happen for themselves – whether it’s finding the right people, the most advantageous connections, or a fortuitous career opportunity. They have their ears to the ground and are socially adept. These Sevens make business connections and network easily because they are alert and mindful to the opportunities that come along that can support their survival. They hold the position that if you are not alert to opportunities, you will lose out.”

I resonate so much with this.

There is so much more I could write about. Not a week goes by when the Enneagram does not play a role in my thinking and conversations. I continue to learn more about myself through the Enneagram, and I truly hope that this has helped you see the potential of the Enneagram in doing the same!

I’ll end this post with a few resources. I earlier mentioned a couple of websites that are helpful for further exploration. I also mentioned a couple of good books. Two podcasts I recommend are Typology and Enneagram 2.0. And while online tests aren’t necessarily the best place to begin one’s journey of discerning one’s Enneagram type, they can be helpful. In my opinion the most comprehensive and helpful is definitely the IEQ9. If you’re not ready to spend the $60 it costs, you could also try the RHETI.

What to do with Stress

Published by on June 9, 2021

Alternate Title: That Time I Went on Vacation and a Tree Fell on My House!!!

Last week Mandy and I were on a relaxing vacation in Playa del Carmen. On Wednesday morning we were in the pool, and when we came back to our cabana to dry off, I saw that I had several missed calls, and lots of texts. The first text I read was from a tenant. It said, “Please get over as soon as you can. A tree just fell on the house!”

We gathered up our stuff and headed to the room. For the next few hours I was on the phone with tenants, contractors and the insurance company. A limb off the very large tree next door had fallen onto the porch. And when I say “limb”, it’s better to picture a tree, because that’s what it looked like.

The next day the limb was removed, and the day after that the damage was assessed and a plan was made.

But that’s getting way ahead of myself isn’t it. Wednesday was a rough day. Here I was on this amazing vacation, and now I was majorly stressed out. How would I regulate my stress so that I could do what needed to be done plus be able to actually enjoy the last couple of days of my vacation?

Each day since last Wednesday has been better, but I thought I would share some of the things that were helpful to me.

First, this was not the first time as a landlord that I had an emergency. I’ve owned rental properties for over fifteen years, and over that time three things have happened. First, I’ve learned a lot. My knowledge and experience has grown. What this means is that I understood the basics of what needed to be done. Second, I have ample financial reserves. I expect emergencies, and therefore I knew that though I wouldn’t necessarily like writing the checks that were going to be required, it wasn’t going to kill me financially. And finally, I’ve developed good relationships with people who know more than I do. I was able to call on some of those relationships to get things moving while I was gone.

And actually, my being in town when this happened wouldn’t have helped much. Sure, I would have been able to go over there immediately, but it’s not like I was going to break out my battery powered Ryobi Chainsaw and start cutting up the limb!

These three things helped immensely, but the fear and stress continued to creep in throughout the day. I was grateful that no one was hurt. A couple of inches more to the left and it could have been a lot worse, since one of my tenants was in the front bedroom when it happened. Those thoughts really weighed on me.

As the adrenaline wore off after a few hours where I had done all that I could do, the stress began to descend like a cloud over me, and this is where the real work was needed.

I think self talk can be a gift at times, but what I’m about to share is a bit different than just self talk. I had to go back to what I believed about God.

I’m always nervous about losing a reader when I bring up God, but I hope that you see that my faith is fleshed out in the messiness of life. It’s not a bunch of platitudes or rules. It’s about a relationship, and if that relationship does not evidence itself during moments of weakness and challenge, I don’t think it’s much of a relationship.

I thought back to Psalm 62. It’s a Psalm written by David, and anyone who knows anything about David knows that he was a king, and kings know a bit about stress.

The Psalm begins, “My soul finds rest in God. He is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.” Who knows what he was dealing with at this moment, but he knew that it was actually possible for his soul to be at rest even as he went through a storm. That’s a pretty strong statement, and one that I was grateful to be reminded of.

It’s the ending of this Psalm that I thought about last Wednesday. David ends this Psalm by saying, “One thing God has spoken, two things have I heard: that you, O God are strong, and that you, O Lord are loving.”

This has been one of my favorite verses for a long time. What it says to me is that it’s one thing for God to be big enough to handle my problems and needs. It’s another thing altogether for Him to want to handle them.

Said another way, it’s one thing for God to be strong. When I think of God’s strength and power, I think about the creation and the sustaining of the world. I think about it in a macro way. It’s good to think about God in this way, but it’s not complete. God is the creator and sustainer of the entire world, but he’s also a father, and he loves his children. That takes the big macro view and hones it in to the very personal. God loves not only the whole world. He also loves me. He knows all about me. That’s huge.

As I reminded myself of these truths throughout the day, I began to experience peace. It’s in moments like these that I am so grateful for my relationship with God. I can look back over my life and see countless times when he took care of me. When I reflect back over that time, it makes it easier for me to place my trust in him today.

New Pastor in the House

Published by on May 17, 2021

Yesterday Jamin Carter announced that Mandy was going to become the next executive pastor at Christ City Church. I’m so happy for the church and for her. I know that she is going to do a great job. And I also love the twist in our story.

Mandy has been an elementary school music teacher for almost two decades, and while at times she’s thought about doing other things, she has always loved what she did. In early March, though, her school decided not to renew her contract. She was absolutely shocked. I should point out that they chose to do this with several other great teachers.

I too was shocked and sad, but I also felt an immediate confidence that this could end up being a good thing. Micah was finishing at New Hope this semester, and it could be good timing for Mandy to pursue some other things that she was passionate about.

A few days later I was meeting with Jamin Carter, the pastor at Christ City. I told him what had happened. He was very sorry to hear the news, but agreed with me that some organization was going to luck out getting her on their team. A week later he reached out to Mandy and asked if she would consider applying for the executive pastor position. Now that I think about it, this may have shocked her more than finding out she had been let go. But at the same time, the possibility excited her.

If you’ve read this blog or just know my story, you’ll know that I spent two decades in vocational ministry, several of those years training and and in various positions, and then twelve years as lead pastor of a church I had started. Who knew that three years after my major career change, Mandy would be doing the same, but now she would be the pastor in the family!

When we first started attending Christ City, we knew that the leadership wanted to transition from a complementarian view of leadership to an egalitarian one. Complementarians believe that the highest levels of leadership in a church are reserved for men. Egalitarians believe that leadership is based on gifting, and that gender doesn’t matter. Mandy and I have had this latter belief for quite awhile, and so it was important to us that this was being considered.

A couple of years ago Christ City officially made the switch, and for the first time invited women to serve at the highest level of leadership: elder. Major changes like this can be hard for folks, and quite a few people left. However, those who remained were grateful and excited.

This is a big next step for our church, and it’s one that I am very excited about. Mandy’s gifts and experience are tailor made for this kind of leadership.

I remember several years ago listening Shirley Raines speak at a conference. When she became president of the University of Memphis, her husband told her that he felt his new role was to carry her briefcase. I remember thinking that I’d probably say the same thing to Mandy one day. I saw that level of leadership in her. Over the years this has only increased. She makes things happen on a level I’ve rarely seen with anyone else. And while I greatly admire the job of teaching kids, I have at times felt that Mandy had some more things in her.

So as I wrap up this post, I want to say a few things publicly to my wife…

Mandy, I continue to be impressed with you. I love how our story has led us to this place, and I can’t wait to see what this next season holds for you. I am excited to see you get to lead and use your gifts in powerful and beautiful ways. I know that you are going to do an amazing job, and I know that Christ City is lucky to have you. I love you, I believe in you, and I will be right there to carry your briefcase wherever you go!

It’s Supposed to be Hard

Published by on May 12, 2021

I shared in a post a couple of weeks ago about a time in my life that was really hard. Though I would never choose to go through something like that, I’m so glad that it wasn’t wasted. It taught me that life is going to knock you down. There are going to be moments when you have to make a decision on whether or not you are going to get up. You’re going be tested beyond what you thought was possible. In summary, life is going to be hard. And it’s supposed to be hard.

Several years ago Mandy and I had the opportunity to go to the National Gallery of Art in Washington, D.C. I remember being impressed and moved by what I saw, but what has had a significant and lasting impact on me were four paintings by Thomas Cole called The Voyage of Life. These paintings portray four distinct seasons of a man’s life. The first is Childhood.

Thomas Cole (American, 1801 – 1848 ), The Voyage of Life: Childhood, 1842, oil on canvas, Ailsa Mellon Bruce Fund

You see immense joy as the child is experiencing the beauty of the world. The second painting is Youth.

Thomas Cole (American, 1801 – 1848 ), The Voyage of Life: Youth, 1842, oil on canvas, Ailsa Mellon Bruce Fund

Here the young man finds himself on his own for the first time. There doesn’t seem to be much fear. Just excitement as he steps into an adventure. The third painting is Manhood. And in case you weren’t sure, this was the one that stopped me in my tracks.

Thomas Cole (American, 1801 – 1848 ), The Voyage of Life: Manhood, 1842, oil on canvas, Ailsa Mellon Bruce Fund

The joy of the child and the excitement of the young man are both gone. It’s dark and it’s scary, and this man is just praying that he won’t die. What a shift, huh! I was going through this intense and challenging time when I saw this. I was in my mid-30’s. We had young kids. I was the pastor of a young church. We didn’t have much money. And I was embarking on a new business. This painting captured what I had been feeling.

Our family started reading the book of James together a couple of weeks ago. I encouraged us all to memorize James 1:2-3. This has been an important passage of Scripture to me for a long time. Here’s what it says…

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

This is such a good word. Our trials and challenges are not wasted. It’s possible to not simply go through them but to embrace them with joy, not because we’re masochists but because we know that there is nothing else in life that makes us better and stronger. How would you like for your life to be characterized by the phrase “mature and complete, not lacking anything”!

It will never happen without a fight. It will never happen by simply coasting through life. It only happens when we embrace the truth that life is going to be hard.

The even bigger truth for me is that I don’t have to go through it alone. My faith in God is what has gotten me through these challenging times. When I’ve been alone in that boat, being tossed by the waves, I’ve known that I wasn’t truly alone. The God who has guided men and women through those same treacherous waters has guided me, and he’ll continue to guide me. And that gets us to the final painting: Old Age.

Thomas Cole (American, 1801 – 1848 ), The Voyage of Life: Old Age, 1842, oil on canvas, Ailsa Mellon Bruce Fund

When I see this painting, I think of Paul’s words to Timothy, found in 2 Timothy 4 and most likely penned shortly before he was beheaded under the orders of Emperor Nero…

For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time for my departure is near. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness…

The fact that we have this fourth painting tells us that the man praying desperately in that third painting made it out alive. He went through the challenge, pain and loss that is found in life. He did the work, and I hope that he feels the reward.

Robert Grisham Posts