This birthday was different from all of the others. When I got birthday wishes from friends, there was a part of me that wondered if they were sending condolences rather than messages of celebration. I knew in my head they weren’t, but you know…
Despite that brief bit of inner turmoil, I had a great day. My parents took us all out to breakfast at Brother Juniper’s. I worked most of the day but took a little time off. And then Mandy and the boys took me to Bog & Barley for dinner. They gave me gifts and shared things that they appreciate about me. It was very thoughtful and moving.
While Mandy and I were in Germany, I had a thought that I’ve never had before. As we were leaving Salzburg I thought, “there’s a good chance that I’ll never come back here.” Mandy reminded me that I used to leave a city thinking, “One day I’m going to move here!” That was the excitement of an Enneagram 7. This new thought made me a little sad, but it also reminded me to simply be present in the moment and to enjoy the moment. That’s a good practice!
As I’ve continued to reflect, I remember that I’ve been preparing for this time for the past seven or eight years. I’m pretty sure I’ve written about this at some point, but it was seven or eight years ago that my friend Matt shared something with me that I couldn’t stop thinking about. He works with leaders, mostly in ministry contexts, and he told me that it’s his belief that the fifties are a person’s most strategic decade.
Neither of us had reached that point at the time, so I could only take him at his word on something that he had simply observed in his work. But I was very aware of the fact that this decade is also a time, especially for a man, that is marked by mid-life crisis.
At the time, I knew that I was not living life in a healthy way, and my hunch was that if I didn’t make some changes, my fifties might be marked more by crisis than by abundance.
It was at that point that I began preparing for where I find myself today. I wanted to create a healthy on-ramp to my fifties, and I knew that some things were going to need to change for that to be my reality. One of the biggest was that I had to leave my career that I had spent 20 years doing. And if I’m honest, it was more than simply a career. It was a dream. The problem was that I didn’t know how to do the job in a way that made me a better person. It was the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make. But it was the right one.
I knew that I wanted to be present for my boys during their most critical years. Last night Adam told me that one of the things that he appreciates about me is that I’ve been present. That was a very timely thing for me to hear.
I also wanted to make sure that my marriage was in a place after we became empty nesters where we would still want to be together. I had seen plenty of marriages drift. I knew how easy that would be for us to drift. But I wanted to start working now in such a way that we would be moving closer together when the boys left rather than further apart. We’re not empty nesters yet, but we’ve both taken the task of cultivating our marriage seriously.
I recently wrote here about my goal to use the 100 days prior to my birthday as a healthy on-ramp to turning 50. I’m really happy with the practices I began. I’ve seen good fruit come as a result.
So an on-ramp was created seven or eight years ago. And then another on-ramp was built 100 days ago. That gives me the confidence to know that I’m where I need to be. It’s an odd birthday for sure, but I feel good. I’m motivated to continue moving towards health and wholeness, towards generosity, goodness and grace, and towards presence and passion. And I’m grateful for the community that is living this life with me!
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