Robert Grisham -

Morning Reflections

Published by on July 6, 2021

For the past several days I haven’t slept well. I’ve had trouble going to sleep, and I’ve woken up too early. So this morning I I was able to sleep in a bit, which was very much needed. I ate breakfast and did a bit of reading, and then I went outside to work. I pulled weeds in the front flower beds, then I used my trusty Echo Trimmer in the front and back yards. Finally, I swept and bagged everything, and then used the blower to finish things off. Everything looks very nice.

By the time I had showered and dressed, it was a little after 10:30. Much of my work day is gone. But that’s ok. Here’s why.

As I was working I was also listening to a podcast. The podcast is Dave Barnes’ and Jon McLaughlin’s Dadville, and in the episode they interviewed Jon Tyson. I was reminded that I need to come back to Jon Tyson more frequently than I currently do. I would describe Tyson as a dude who is fully alive and passionate, and I am reminded that I am at my best when I am fully alive and passionate. I’m not talking about putting on a false front that looks fully alive and passionate. I’m talking about doing activities that lead to life and passion as a natural byproduct.

So much of the time we live our lives on auto pilot. We work, we have family time, and we throw in some fun here and there. It doesn’t mean that things are bad. It just means that things could be better. Maybe it means that we’re lacking some meaning or purpose, or that we’re simply getting by.

Jon has been a formative voice in my life for the past eight years, and when I listen to him, something inside me stirs. I remember that I’m made for more. The topic he was talking about in this podcast was intentional parenting. I would guess that 75% of my strategy for helping to form my sons into men has come from Tyson’s work. It’s a topic that excites me.

So what does all of that have to do with me waking up this morning and doing manual labor?

It all fits together. Working outside in the heat does something inside of me. I remember in the moment that this house and this yard are gifts, and I’m meant to steward them well. I feel a sense of pride as I work hard. Listening to an interview that gets me thinking and dreaming also does something inside of me. And now, my guess is that I will get more done in five or six hours of work than I would have in eight hours of work had I started without these activities.

It’s weird how that works, and I might chalk it up to coincidence if I didn’t have a track record of it repeating itself over and over again. I’m grateful for the reminder, but more than that I’m grateful for my current emotions and mindset as I dive into the rest of my day.

My Enneagram Journey

Published by on June 29, 2021

I first heard about the Enneagram in the early 2000’s, but I didn’t really get into it until around five years ago. To say that it has been helpful is quite the understatement. I’ve always gotten a lot out of personality studies. StrengthsFinder was huge for Mandy and I when we first dug into it a decade ago, and the Enneagram has only added to this. As I’ve gotten more into the Enneagram, though, I have found it to be much deeper than anything else I’ve encountered. I feel that it’s difficult to exhaust all that I can learn through the Enneagram, and that’s what is so great about it.

This blog post presumes that the reader has at least a rudimentary understanding of the Enneagram and the nine types. If you don’t, or if you just need a refresher, check out Integrative Enneagram Solutions and The Enneagram Institute. My hope with this post is to give an example of how someone would go through the process of discerning one’s type.

When I first started reading several years ago, my first thought was that I might be a Three, but I had a couple of friends say that they didn’t see that. It was Mandy who first suggested that I might be a Seven. The Road Back to You, by Ian Cron and Suzanne Stabile, was the first book I read cover to cover. I immediately dismissed the Seven as a possibility because of some of the stories the authors told. As I read that book, a Seven to me was personified by the class clown. It’s the person who is the life of the party. Neither of those have ever been me. So I quickly dismissed the Seven.

However, as I read more, and discussed it with Mandy and a couple of friends, I began to explore the idea that I had perhaps dismissed it too quickly. Learning about the triads was my first step towards the Seven. There are three triads, each made up of three of the numbers of the Enneagram.

There is the Body triad, made up of Eights, Nines and Ones. There is the Heart triad, made up of Twos, Threes and Fours. And then there is the Head triad, made up of Fives, Sixes and Sevens. As my study continued, I began to gravitate towards the Head triad. Those in the Head triad are driven by fear, though each number handles it differently. Fives externalize fear, Sixes internalize fear, and Sevens forget fear. When I read this, I knew that I was in the Head triad. I live in my head. And I am very driven by fear. So this meant that I was likely a Five, Six or Seven. I quickly dismissed the Six, so that left me with Five and Seven.

On this Typology podcast I learned about stances. Here’s what Ian Cron had to say:

“The social styles of the nine Enneagram types are divided into three stances: assertive, compliant, and withdrawn. Stances refer to the basic posture of each type and how they move in the world. The Assertive Stance (Types Three, Seven, Eight) moves against others and takes action to get their needs met. The Compliant Stance (Types One, Two, Six) moves toward others to meet their needs externally. The Withdrawing Stance (Types Four, Five, Nine) moves away from others by turning inward to find fulfillment.”

There are areas of this journey that have not always been clear, but this is definitely not one of them. I 100% am Assertive. This means that I am most likely a Three, Seven or Eight. If you want to read more on these stances, check out this article.

The final piece of discernment came when I heard this question: “What were you like in your early 20’s?” That was a very helpful question. Coming out of college, my biggest fear was that I would settle. Settle for doing what everyone else did or for living where everyone else lived. Settle for a typical job making a good salary. Those can be fine things, but I felt that I would be missing out on something more. I didn’t have a clue what that something more was, but it eventually took us to the SF Bay Area for further exploration. All of this is very typical of a Seven.

With each step in my journey I found myself moving closer to identifying as an Enneagram Seven. There are three areas that I believe all Seven’s have in common. They have to do with pain, authority and freedom. I’ll share the relationship I’ve had with each of these.

Pain
The need for a Seven is to avoid pain. Again, the way that we do that is through forgetting about it. I am an all star when it comes to reframing pain. When I was in college I gave a speech (in speech class) that was about a defining moment in my life. I talked about my parent’s divorce when I was four years old. In the speech I mentioned Romans 8:28, which says, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” I could say with certainty that God had taken something bad and had brought about good in my life. I am a glass half full guy. I’m an optimist. I don’t struggle to find the silver lining in any challenge or difficulty. I love that about me, but the Enneagram has helped me to understand what is behind that. It’s often due to the fact that I don’t want to sit with my pain.

A key question for a Seven is, “What do you do with your pain?” As an exercise at an Enneagram workshop I went to a couple of years ago, this question was asked of me, not once, but over and over again. My first response was, “What pain?” That seems to be the first response for most Seven’s. The reason the question is repeated is that you have to dig deeper. There is pain in all of us, but Sevens do an amazing job covering it up. But to grow in health, one must go to those places of pain and deal with them.

I’ve found that there are some major ramifications to this in marriage. Reframing someone else’s pain has gotten me in trouble quite often. It’s difficult. When Mandy lost her job this spring, I immediately saw the positives. In that moment I had a larger vision for her life than I probably ever had for mine. Yet what she needed in the weeks to come wasn’t optimism and strategy. She needed me to sit with her in her pain. To listen and to love. That does not come easy for me, but it’s a discipline that I must continue to work on, both for myself as well as for those I love.

Authority
A Seven dislikes authority. To be more specific, they don’t want to be under authority, and they really don’t want to be in authority over others. To a Seven, authority equals limitations and control. I see that playing out in my life time and again. I’ve been a working adult for twenty-five years, and during that time I have had a lot of jobs. In fact, I’ve pretty much always had more than one job at a time. But in those many jobs I have rarely been managed by others, and I’ve also rarely managed others. I would characterize my jobs primarily as solo entrepreneurship.

Twenty years ago I was living in the SF Bay Area pursuing a masters degree and preparing to start a church. One of my non-negotiables was that I wanted to do that with a team. Part of that was because I strongly valued community, but as I look back on that now, I see that it was also because I wanted a flat structure. I didn’t think anyone needed to be in charge. We would all figure it out together. I chuckle a bit as I write that. It rarely worked very well, but I now understand some of the reasons behind why I wanted it.

Freedom
The ultimate goal for a Seven is freedom. A Seven hates to be locked in. They want to keep their options open. Commitment is difficult for a Seven because it can push against the desire for freedom. This has always been a big theme in my life. I’m extremely flexible, and I embrace change almost too easily. I’ve even been known to blow something up that was going great simply because I felt locked in and got bored. I didn’t know I was doing it at the time, but I did it nonetheless. Thankfully I’ve grown a lot since then.

One of the ways that a Seven deals with pain or boredom is through planning. I love to plan, especially when it comes to travel and other adventures. I heard one Seven say that a Seven goes on vacation to plan his next vacation! Boy do I resonate with that. One month ago Mandy and I went on vacation to Mexico. A few weeks earlier I was afraid that the trip might be cancelled due to COVID-19 lockdown in Mexico. One morning I woke up really early thinking about this. I decided to plan a backup trip. Around thirty minutes later Mandy woke up, and I, in a way more excited state than is warranted for that early in the morning, proceeded to share with her how I was ready to book a trip to Miami. I had the flights and hotels already picked out, and I was doing it all with points! She looked at me for a moment, and then said, “I think we’re going to be able to go to Mexico.” Then she turned over and went back to sleep. I didn’t think about that trip again, but those thirty minutes of planning sure were fun!

Thinking through these three areas has really helped me to settle in on the fact that I am a Seven. This has helped me to dig deeper into my motivations. It’s helped me to ask deeper questions. It’s helped me to pause and really take notice of pain rather than immediately trying to reframe it. I’d like to think that this has helped me to become more healthy.

Where the Enneagram gets really interesting is when you learn about the subtypes. There are lots of helpful books on the Enneagram, but my favorite has to be The Complete Enneagram, by Beatrice Chestnut. She has done a lot of work on the subtypes. Each of the nine Enneagram types has three subtypes, so in reality there are actually 27 types.

When delving into the subtypes, you need to understand about instincts. There are three instincts, and each of the nine types has all three of them. There is the self-preservation instinct, which focuses attention on personal safety and security. There is the social instinct, which focuses attention on the greater good of the community. And there is the sexual instinct, which focuses attention on one-on-one relationships. We have all three instincts, but there is a dominant one for each of us.

I have spent the last couple of months learning about these instincts so as to seek to figure out which subtype I was. I knew that I wasn’t a Sexual Seven. These are the charismatic wooers. Not me. I’ve had a couple of friends suggest that I might be a Social Seven. It’s the countertype for Sevens where sacrifice becomes the theme. While I’ve seen that in myself at times, it’s not that dominant. I don’t like writing this here, but I care too much about having my own needs met to be a Social Seven.

After a lot of reading and assessing, I identify as a Self-Preservation Seven. Here’s how Beatrice Chestnut describes Self-Preservation Sevens:

“These Sevens are very practical, good at networking, and skilled at getting what they want and finding a good deal; they tend to be opportunistic, self-interested, pragmatic, calculating, and clever. They readily recognize opportunities for creating an advantage for themselves. Self-Preservation Sevens always have their nose to the wind for good opportunities. They find ways to get what they need and want, and they have an easy way of finding pathways to making things happen for themselves – whether it’s finding the right people, the most advantageous connections, or a fortuitous career opportunity. They have their ears to the ground and are socially adept. These Sevens make business connections and network easily because they are alert and mindful to the opportunities that come along that can support their survival. They hold the position that if you are not alert to opportunities, you will lose out.”

I resonate so much with this.

There is so much more I could write about. Not a week goes by when the Enneagram does not play a role in my thinking and conversations. I continue to learn more about myself through the Enneagram, and I truly hope that this has helped you see the potential of the Enneagram in doing the same!

I’ll end this post with a few resources. I earlier mentioned a couple of websites that are helpful for further exploration. I also mentioned a couple of good books. Two podcasts I recommend are Typology and Enneagram 2.0. And while online tests aren’t necessarily the best place to begin one’s journey of discerning one’s Enneagram type, they can be helpful. In my opinion the most comprehensive and helpful is definitely the IEQ9. If you’re not ready to spend the $60 it costs, you could also try the RHETI.

What to do with Stress

Published by on June 9, 2021

Alternate Title: That Time I Went on Vacation and a Tree Fell on My House!!!

Last week Mandy and I were on a relaxing vacation in Playa del Carmen. On Wednesday morning we were in the pool, and when we came back to our cabana to dry off, I saw that I had several missed calls, and lots of texts. The first text I read was from a tenant. It said, “Please get over as soon as you can. A tree just fell on the house!”

We gathered up our stuff and headed to the room. For the next few hours I was on the phone with tenants, contractors and the insurance company. A limb off the very large tree next door had fallen onto the porch. And when I say “limb”, it’s better to picture a tree, because that’s what it looked like.

The next day the limb was removed, and the day after that the damage was assessed and a plan was made.

But that’s getting way ahead of myself isn’t it. Wednesday was a rough day. Here I was on this amazing vacation, and now I was majorly stressed out. How would I regulate my stress so that I could do what needed to be done plus be able to actually enjoy the last couple of days of my vacation?

Each day since last Wednesday has been better, but I thought I would share some of the things that were helpful to me.

First, this was not the first time as a landlord that I had an emergency. I’ve owned rental properties for over fifteen years, and over that time three things have happened. First, I’ve learned a lot. My knowledge and experience has grown. What this means is that I understood the basics of what needed to be done. Second, I have ample financial reserves. I expect emergencies, and therefore I knew that though I wouldn’t necessarily like writing the checks that were going to be required, it wasn’t going to kill me financially. And finally, I’ve developed good relationships with people who know more than I do. I was able to call on some of those relationships to get things moving while I was gone.

And actually, my being in town when this happened wouldn’t have helped much. Sure, I would have been able to go over there immediately, but it’s not like I was going to break out my battery powered Ryobi Chainsaw and start cutting up the limb!

These three things helped immensely, but the fear and stress continued to creep in throughout the day. I was grateful that no one was hurt. A couple of inches more to the left and it could have been a lot worse, since one of my tenants was in the front bedroom when it happened. Those thoughts really weighed on me.

As the adrenaline wore off after a few hours where I had done all that I could do, the stress began to descend like a cloud over me, and this is where the real work was needed.

I think self talk can be a gift at times, but what I’m about to share is a bit different than just self talk. I had to go back to what I believed about God.

I’m always nervous about losing a reader when I bring up God, but I hope that you see that my faith is fleshed out in the messiness of life. It’s not a bunch of platitudes or rules. It’s about a relationship, and if that relationship does not evidence itself during moments of weakness and challenge, I don’t think it’s much of a relationship.

I thought back to Psalm 62. It’s a Psalm written by David, and anyone who knows anything about David knows that he was a king, and kings know a bit about stress.

The Psalm begins, “My soul finds rest in God. He is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.” Who knows what he was dealing with at this moment, but he knew that it was actually possible for his soul to be at rest even as he went through a storm. That’s a pretty strong statement, and one that I was grateful to be reminded of.

It’s the ending of this Psalm that I thought about last Wednesday. David ends this Psalm by saying, “One thing God has spoken, two things have I heard: that you, O God are strong, and that you, O Lord are loving.”

This has been one of my favorite verses for a long time. What it says to me is that it’s one thing for God to be big enough to handle my problems and needs. It’s another thing altogether for Him to want to handle them.

Said another way, it’s one thing for God to be strong. When I think of God’s strength and power, I think about the creation and the sustaining of the world. I think about it in a macro way. It’s good to think about God in this way, but it’s not complete. God is the creator and sustainer of the entire world, but he’s also a father, and he loves his children. That takes the big macro view and hones it in to the very personal. God loves not only the whole world. He also loves me. He knows all about me. That’s huge.

As I reminded myself of these truths throughout the day, I began to experience peace. It’s in moments like these that I am so grateful for my relationship with God. I can look back over my life and see countless times when he took care of me. When I reflect back over that time, it makes it easier for me to place my trust in him today.

New Pastor in the House

Published by on May 17, 2021

Yesterday Jamin Carter announced that Mandy was going to become the next executive pastor at Christ City Church. I’m so happy for the church and for her. I know that she is going to do a great job. And I also love the twist in our story.

Mandy has been an elementary school music teacher for almost two decades, and while at times she’s thought about doing other things, she has always loved what she did. In early March, though, her school decided not to renew her contract. She was absolutely shocked. I should point out that they chose to do this with several other great teachers.

I too was shocked and sad, but I also felt an immediate confidence that this could end up being a good thing. Micah was finishing at New Hope this semester, and it could be good timing for Mandy to pursue some other things that she was passionate about.

A few days later I was meeting with Jamin Carter, the pastor at Christ City. I told him what had happened. He was very sorry to hear the news, but agreed with me that some organization was going to luck out getting her on their team. A week later he reached out to Mandy and asked if she would consider applying for the executive pastor position. Now that I think about it, this may have shocked her more than finding out she had been let go. But at the same time, the possibility excited her.

If you’ve read this blog or just know my story, you’ll know that I spent two decades in vocational ministry, several of those years training and and in various positions, and then twelve years as lead pastor of a church I had started. Who knew that three years after my major career change, Mandy would be doing the same, but now she would be the pastor in the family!

When we first started attending Christ City, we knew that the leadership wanted to transition from a complementarian view of leadership to an egalitarian one. Complementarians believe that the highest levels of leadership in a church are reserved for men. Egalitarians believe that leadership is based on gifting, and that gender doesn’t matter. Mandy and I have had this latter belief for quite awhile, and so it was important to us that this was being considered.

A couple of years ago Christ City officially made the switch, and for the first time invited women to serve at the highest level of leadership: elder. Major changes like this can be hard for folks, and quite a few people left. However, those who remained were grateful and excited.

This is a big next step for our church, and it’s one that I am very excited about. Mandy’s gifts and experience are tailor made for this kind of leadership.

I remember several years ago listening Shirley Raines speak at a conference. When she became president of the University of Memphis, her husband told her that he felt his new role was to carry her briefcase. I remember thinking that I’d probably say the same thing to Mandy one day. I saw that level of leadership in her. Over the years this has only increased. She makes things happen on a level I’ve rarely seen with anyone else. And while I greatly admire the job of teaching kids, I have at times felt that Mandy had some more things in her.

So as I wrap up this post, I want to say a few things publicly to my wife…

Mandy, I continue to be impressed with you. I love how our story has led us to this place, and I can’t wait to see what this next season holds for you. I am excited to see you get to lead and use your gifts in powerful and beautiful ways. I know that you are going to do an amazing job, and I know that Christ City is lucky to have you. I love you, I believe in you, and I will be right there to carry your briefcase wherever you go!

It’s Supposed to be Hard

Published by on May 12, 2021

I shared in a post a couple of weeks ago about a time in my life that was really hard. Though I would never choose to go through something like that, I’m so glad that it wasn’t wasted. It taught me that life is going to knock you down. There are going to be moments when you have to make a decision on whether or not you are going to get up. You’re going be tested beyond what you thought was possible. In summary, life is going to be hard. And it’s supposed to be hard.

Several years ago Mandy and I had the opportunity to go to the National Gallery of Art in Washington, D.C. I remember being impressed and moved by what I saw, but what has had a significant and lasting impact on me were four paintings by Thomas Cole called The Voyage of Life. These paintings portray four distinct seasons of a man’s life. The first is Childhood.

Thomas Cole (American, 1801 – 1848 ), The Voyage of Life: Childhood, 1842, oil on canvas, Ailsa Mellon Bruce Fund

You see immense joy as the child is experiencing the beauty of the world. The second painting is Youth.

Thomas Cole (American, 1801 – 1848 ), The Voyage of Life: Youth, 1842, oil on canvas, Ailsa Mellon Bruce Fund

Here the young man finds himself on his own for the first time. There doesn’t seem to be much fear. Just excitement as he steps into an adventure. The third painting is Manhood. And in case you weren’t sure, this was the one that stopped me in my tracks.

Thomas Cole (American, 1801 – 1848 ), The Voyage of Life: Manhood, 1842, oil on canvas, Ailsa Mellon Bruce Fund

The joy of the child and the excitement of the young man are both gone. It’s dark and it’s scary, and this man is just praying that he won’t die. What a shift, huh! I was going through this intense and challenging time when I saw this. I was in my mid-30’s. We had young kids. I was the pastor of a young church. We didn’t have much money. And I was embarking on a new business. This painting captured what I had been feeling.

Our family started reading the book of James together a couple of weeks ago. I encouraged us all to memorize James 1:2-3. This has been an important passage of Scripture to me for a long time. Here’s what it says…

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

This is such a good word. Our trials and challenges are not wasted. It’s possible to not simply go through them but to embrace them with joy, not because we’re masochists but because we know that there is nothing else in life that makes us better and stronger. How would you like for your life to be characterized by the phrase “mature and complete, not lacking anything”!

It will never happen without a fight. It will never happen by simply coasting through life. It only happens when we embrace the truth that life is going to be hard.

The even bigger truth for me is that I don’t have to go through it alone. My faith in God is what has gotten me through these challenging times. When I’ve been alone in that boat, being tossed by the waves, I’ve known that I wasn’t truly alone. The God who has guided men and women through those same treacherous waters has guided me, and he’ll continue to guide me. And that gets us to the final painting: Old Age.

Thomas Cole (American, 1801 – 1848 ), The Voyage of Life: Old Age, 1842, oil on canvas, Ailsa Mellon Bruce Fund

When I see this painting, I think of Paul’s words to Timothy, found in 2 Timothy 4 and most likely penned shortly before he was beheaded under the orders of Emperor Nero…

For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time for my departure is near. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness…

The fact that we have this fourth painting tells us that the man praying desperately in that third painting made it out alive. He went through the challenge, pain and loss that is found in life. He did the work, and I hope that he feels the reward.

My Real Estate Journey Pt.3 (2016-2021)

Published by on May 5, 2021

As I’ve shared in the last two posts, I’ve been on a real estate journey for the last 17 years or so. This last post will be about the last five years.

From 2016 through the middle of 2019, Rob and I bought, renovated, and sold several homes together. In that time I learned so much about identifying good deals, making budgets, negotiating contracts, securing financing, hiring good subs, making design decisions, and navigating a project to completion. The majority of of the homes we bought during those years were in my neighborhood. It was a privilege to be able to restore these beautiful 100 year old homes, and it was great to be able to play a role in selecting my new neighbors!

If you’d like to see some of the work that we’ve done, feel free to check out our website.

In the spring of 2019 I heard a term that would completely change our strategy. The term is BRRRR, and it stands for Buy, Rehab, Rent, Refinance, Repeat. Prior to this we were buying houses, fixing them up, and then selling them. And then paying a lot of taxes. Soon after hearing about the BRRRR strategy we had the opportunity to buy two houses next to each other in an area that we believed would appreciate over the next 5-10 years. So instead of buying, rehabbing and selling, we ended up renovating them, getting them rented and then refinancing them, getting all of our money back in the process.

Now when we start a project, we treat it as if we were going to sell it, but then at the end of the renovation, we run numbers to see if it could work as a long-term rental. The great thing about flipping houses is that at the end of the process, we get a nice check. But then we’re done. We’re not really building wealth. Long-term rentals help us to build wealth.

I retired from vocational ministry at the end of 2018, and since that time I’ve been able to give more time to my business. In that time I’ve grown my personal rental portfolio from seven properties to fifteen.

I mentioned Thatch Nguyen in a previous post. In that post I shared about a statement he had made that has made a big impact on me. A few weeks after this I heard him say something else that has made another big impact on me. He said that there are two phases of real estate investment. There’s the Accumulation phase, in which you, yes, accumulate properties, and then there is the Payoff phase, in which you (again, confusing I know) pay off your properties. The idea is that at some point you want free and clear properties that generate monthly cash flow.

After hearing this I decided to play around with some numbers. I wondered when we could have everything paid off, and what it would look like for us financially when it was paid off. Having learned about the debt snowball over twenty years ago from Dave Ramsey, I found this online debt snowball calculator and I began to input all of my numbers.

With the debt snowball, you take your loans and order them from smallest to largest. Then you take a certain amount of extra money and apply it to the smallest loan so that you can pay it off early. Once that one is paid off, you take everything you were paying there and apply it to the next smallest. And so on and so on.

I wondered how much extra it would take to pay everything off in 10 years. I plugged in certain numbers, and finally discovered that an additional $400 applied towards my smallest loan would do the trick. I was pretty blown away by that. One of the main reasons this worked is that I had just refinanced my two loans with longer terms (25yr and 30yr) to 15 years.

So now I have a vision of what life could look like for us a decade from now. There are of course lots of things that could cause us to course correct. Another 2008 could happen. One of us could get sick. But as of today I’m glad that we have a plan, and I feel really good about it.

If you have questions or want to chat, hit me up. I love talking real estate, and I’d be happy to help you if I can.

My Real Estate Journey Pt.2 (2010-2016)

Published by on April 28, 2021

Part 1 of this series chronicled the beginning of my real estate journey. It was marked by excitement and naiveté, and as you’ll see in this post, it just about did me in. As I mentioned at the end of that post, my business partner ended up moving out of state, and I was left with an unfinished house and an inherited crew that wasn’t doing what needed to be done. And to top it off, I really didn’t know what in the heck I was doing. To say I was scared was a major understatement.

When I first started writing this post I quickly moved on to the good portion of this time period. I mentioned in the last post about being an Enneagram 7. One of the things you should know about Enneagram 7’s is that we have a need to avoid pain. I recognize that I was doing just that as I wrote the first draft of this post. The truth is that this was one of the most painful couple of years of my life. I was in the deep end of the pool, and I didn’t know how to swim.

So as an exercise in growth, let me back up and share more of this story.

My business partner and I had purchased this home on Evelyn Ave in Cooper-Young the summer of 2009. We had big plans for it, but it just dragged on and on, and as I mentioned earlier, when the economy got really bad he was over-leveraged and ended up moving. We had borrowed the money from my parents, and all of it was gone. I ended up going back to them to borrow more, and I set out to finish the house. By the time it was finished it was the summer of 2011. The good news was that the business partner was fully out of the picture and I owned the house 100%. The bad news was that I couldn’t sell it. By this point I had my real estate license (more on that back story in a bit), and so I put it on the market for $133k. It sat for 6 months. I took it off the market, then a few months later put it back on for $118k. Another 6 months came and went without so much as an offer. What was I going to do now?

The worst part of all of this is that I had made promises to Mandy that I now couldn’t deliver on. Selling this house was going to mean that she could stay home with our kids. I kept thinking I could turn things around, but it just got worse and worse. She had never felt good about the partnership I was in, but I didn’t listen. She ended up having to go back to work for a year, unfortunately at a really tough school. It was one of the hardest seasons for our marriage.

I ended up getting the house rented, and from the very beginning it cash flowed quite well. I can look back on it now and see that holding on to it was one of the best decisions I made, as it’s now worth close to $200k. Even after the house was finished and I had it rented, there were some long-term effects. I remember that every time I drove past Home Depot, I felt a little sick. It also took time, counseling, and a lot of work for Mandy and I get to a good place.

The word “work” is a good word to use here. I worked hard. Not always smart, but definitely hard. I learned a lot during this time. More than anything, my faith grew because I was forced to depend on God to help me. As hard as it was, I can look back on it and say that I grew, and that I am better as a result.

Now lest you think that this entire period of time was terrible, let me share some happy things! One day in early 2010 my friend Josh introduced me to his friend Rob. Josh knew that both of us had an interest in real estate, and he thought we should meet. I’m sure glad we did. Soon afterwards I started working for Rob. He was trying to buy foreclosures, and I was getting good at researching and finding deals. One lovely spring day he asked me if I had considered getting my real estate license. I told him I hadn’t given it much thought. So I started thinking about it, and by the end of the summer I had gone to class and passed my exam.

During those first few years being an agent I wrote so many offers for Rob that I got pretty good at it. During all of this time I was also the pastor of a young church, so there was a limited amount of time I had for my new business. Slowly but surely, though, I began building my list of clients.

At the end of 2013 Mandy and I made one of the best financial decisions we’ve ever made. We bought a new house. But more than that, we decided to keep our first house as a rental. I always tell people interested in getting started with real estate investing that the best way to do it is to turn your current home into a rental. This was a game changer for us.

So going into 2016 I now had five rentals and a growing business. I had gotten through the global recession, and things were looking up. One day in early 2016 I started researching a house on my block that had been vacant for awhile. I figured out who owned it and found an email address. I emailed him and asked if he’d be interested in selling it. The next day he emailed back and said he would. I was kind of surprised. So I talked with Rob, and we decided to buy it together. This would be the first of twenty projects we would do together.

The final post in this series will be how things have grown and changed in these last few years.

My Real Estate Journey Pt. 1 (2004-2010)

Published by on April 21, 2021

Real estate has played a big role in my life over the past 17 years. I thought I would share some of the story that got me to where I am today.

In 2004 Mandy and I lived in the San Francisco Bay Area. I had graduated from seminary the year before, and we had moved just outside Oakland so that we could be closer to the school where Mandy taught. We had been told by several people that if we were going to put down roots here, we needed to buy a house. So we began looking. Our good friends Ryan and Marian were told the same thing, and being that we were looking for intentional ways to practice community together, we decided that we should buy something together.

After looking at several properties together, one Sunday afternoon we went to the island of Alameda for an open house at a duplex. That thing was so tiny, but we decided to put on our big boy britches and make an offer. If I remember correctly, our offer was around $30k over list, and the sellers still countered us another $30k. We walked away sadly. Side note: that place wouldn’t have worked for very long, as we soon had two kids and they had four!

After that Mandy and I felt that perhaps the timing wasn’t right to buy. But now we had to decide what to do with the rather large amount of money that we had set aside as a down payment. I decided to talk to my friend Dax about it. He now had three rental properties in our hometown, and after talking for awhile he asked if I’d like to buy 50% of those properties and go in as partners. After a week or so of thinking about it, we said yes.

At that point I felt like it could be a good thing to continue to rent in the bay area but to own real estate in Tennessee. Here’s what the numbers looked like. We were renting a 2BR/1BA home just outside of Oakland for $1450/month that would have cost us over $400,000 were we to buy it. In my hometown, we were getting around $850/month for homes that cost $100,000. Big difference.

Things changed for us less than two years later when we decided to move to Memphis. Adam had been born six months earlier, and we decided it was time to come closer to home. We wanted to be closer to family, and we wanted to start a church.

During those next few years I learned more and more about real estate. I wanted to own more properties but I wasn’t sure how to go about getting started. One day in 2008 I met with a local investor named Joe over coffee to learn more. He and I were both board members of our neighborhood association. He had been flipping quite a few properties in our neighborhood. I told him that I had seen some white stickers on a house on my street, and he said we should go check it out. We got there, he looked at the sticker, and then he took out his phone and dialed a number. Next thing I knew we were buying the property together. I had no idea what I was doing, but I’m an Enneagram Seven so it was no problem! One week later he said that he was going to need to get another investor involved, and he asked if he could buy me out. I asked how much and he said $7000. I said YES!

You can probably imagine that at that point I was pretty much hooked. Over the next year he and I bought two properties together. The problem was that now it was 2009, and things with the economy were about to get rough. Joe ended up moving before we finished the last one, and I was stuck figuring out how to get out of the mess I was in. It was one of most difficult times of my life, but I grew a ton. Fast forward a decade and that house is one of my best rentals.

That’s all for this phase of my journey. Next week I’ll share part 2, which deals with the years 2010-2016. Spoiler alert: it was quite the bumpy road.

Savings vs. Profit

Published by on April 19, 2021

I just finished listening to JD Roth’s Audible Original How to Achieve Financial Independence and Retire Early. There wasn’t a ton of new material for me, but I still found it a great resource, and one that I would recommend if you’d like to learn more about the subject.

There was one part, though, that, while simple, was something I had never given any thought to before. He said that most folks don’t get that excited about talking about saving money. He thinks it would be better if we treated this topic like businesses do. They don’t call it savings. They call it profit. Income minus expenses in a business is profit. Profit allows you to grow and expand. It’s actually tied to growth.

Why don’t we feel the same about our personal finances? Income minus expenses equals savings, but it’s normally haphazard: If there’s any money left at the end of the month, I guess it’s savings! But what would a shift in our thinking produce? If we saw it as profit, would we be more excited about it? Would we see it as a sign of growth? As something to be celebrated? Something to think about.

10 Rules for Life & Happiness

Published by on April 14, 2021

Awhile back I read a tweet from Ramit Sethi about his ten rules for money. As I read it I began thinking about my own ten rules, not just for money but for life and happiness. As I reflected on this, I thought about things that have remained important to me over my life, but I also began to think in terms of the most important things that I want to share with my sons. For the past few weeks I’ve been working on this list, and I thought I would share my rules here.

Before I begin, a word about rules…we normally don’t like rules because rules are something that others give to us. I’m thinking of parents, teachers and bosses here. Try not to think about the word this way. As I’ve researched it, I’ve discovered that the word “rule” comes from the Greek word for “trellis.” A trellis allows a grapevine to get off the ground and grow upward, thereby enabling it to thrive. We need the same thing in our lives.

Rule #1: Put your trust in God.
I consider this to be the foundation of my life. God doesn’t call me to know everything or to get everything right. God invites me to place my trust in him; to walk with him and be guided by him; to be with him when times are good as well as when they are bad. When I look back on my life, on those times when things were most challenging, I see that God was with me. I have a lot of questions when it comes to faith and spirituality. I am a skeptic at heart who continues to wrestle with certain topics. But through the wrestling, I always come back to this fact: that no matter what I go through, I can come to God for help. One of my favorite passages of Scripture is Deuteronomy 31: 8. It says, “The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” If there was just one thing that I could pass on to Adam and Micah, it would be this truth.

Rule #2: Decide which worldview that you will give yourself to.
As much as I believe the previous rule, I recognize that not everyone will feel the same way. And therefore, everyone has to decide for themselves which worldview out there to give themselves to. As Bob Dylan once said, we all gotta serve somebody. We may believe that we’re calling the shots, but everyday we give ourselves to other people, things, causes, etc. It’s the way that we’re wired as humans. The key is to make sure that you’re giving yourself to the right things. If you’ve never listened to David Foster Wallace’s 2005 commencement speech at Kenyon College, I highly recommend it . You can listen to it at this link, and if you don’t want to listen to the entire thing, just start around the 17 minute mark.

I’ve come to the place where I believe that the best worldview that I can give myself to is Jesus and the Kingdom of God. So many people have baggage over what they think this implies, so I’ve pretty much come to the conclusion that there’s not much that I can do to convince a person that this might be the best worldview for them. Instead, I live my life in a way that allows this worldview to influence me more everyday. I’ve shared more thoughts on this here.

Rule #3: Don’t be afraid to ask for help.
I have always struggled with this, and I still have a long way to go. Asking for help signifies weakness, and I imagine most of us don’t like feeling weak. That has definitely played a role for me, but it was also about believing a lie that I was bothering people when asking for help. I’ve had to make a real effort to fight this lie.

When I think about this rule, I think in terms of everyday friendship, but I also think about the need for professional help. Mandy and I have been seeing the same therapist for over a decade, and I can’t begin to comprehend where our marriage would be without this. Sometimes a book, podcast, or conversation over coffee can give me what I need, but at other times I need something more. A friend of mine would often say that healthy people ask for what they need. I’ve learned this to be true.

Rule #4: Cultivate friendship
It’s good to have friends who can talk about sports and the weather and what you did last weekend. We all have those kinds of friends. What we need in addition to this are friends you can go deep with; friends who will on the one hand accept you as you are, yet on the other hand not be afraid to ask you the hard questions. Friendships like these are rare, and when you find one, don’t be passive. Invest time and energy, and don’t take it for granted.

Rule #5: Your interior life matters more than you know.
Proverbs 4:23 says, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Much of life is all about what’s going on in the exterior of our lives. But it’s so important to take note of what’s going on within. When I think about this rule I think about character. I’ve heard character defined as “who you are when no one is looking.” While that is a part of a good definition of character, I feel like it falls a bit short. It focuses on the negative. It’s all about not sinning.

Dallas Willard, one of my favorite authors, says that character is what you do without thinking about it. You can have good character or bad character. We develop good character when we make good decisions; decisions that look to the good of others over ourselves. We also develop good character when we fail but then learn from our failure. Finally, just as a body grows healthy when more good things than bad are put into it, our hearts grow more healthy (and our character grows) when more good things than bad are put into it. As we cultivate our heart, we develop character, and character then automatically influences our actions.

Rule #6: Understand what fills your tank, and make no apologies for spending time doing those things.
So much of life is depleting. It’s important to know what things you can do that restore your soul. For me, it’s things like travel, hiking, biking, cooking, listening to good music, and reading a good book. I know it’s important to prioritize these kinds of activities into my schedule. In the past, when I have found myself getting burned out, I’ve often been able to point to the fact that I’ve been too busy to do these things, which is in fact a lie that we often believe. If these things fill my tank, then I need to prioritize them. I need to put them in my schedule just like I do a meeting for work. The first thing is to figure out what those activities are, as they’re different for every person. And then do them!

Rule #7: You will have fewer financial emergencies when you have money in the bank.
I learned this from Dave Ramsey, and I’m so glad that I learned it when I did. Most people spend every dollar they make. They have no financial margin, and so when an emergency happens, which it will, it can be devastating. When you have an emergency fund, you know that it’s only a matter of time before an emergency is going to happen, and you also know that when it happens, while you certainly won’t enjoy writing that check, you know you’re going to be ok because you have the money set aside. The emergency then doesn’t feel like such an emergency!

Rule #8: Never stop learning and growing.
Another way of saying this is, don’t forget to invest in yourself. Education doesn’t end when you graduate from college. Continue to read books, listen to podcasts, go to conferences, and learn from others. More than that, though, decide what you’d like to learn, and then set up goals for how you are you going to learn it. Find a topic that you’re interested in and go learn about it. There is more information and opportunities for learning than ever before, and it’s only going to increase. But you have to determine that you are not going to be satisfied with where you currently are.

Rule #9: Marry the right person.
I’ll admit that I’m being a bit sneaky with this one. The truth is that this is a tough challenge. How in the world can you know on the front end who is going to be a good fit for a life partner? Mandy and I are nothing close to the college kids we were when we met. But as we’ve grown and changed, we’ve done so together. At the end of the day, rule #1 (trust God) leads me to believe that there is some providence at work with something as important as marriage. But you have a role to play as well. As you date, think about the obvious things like friendship, attraction, and fun, but also think about common goals and vision. Have those kinds of conversations. I know that Mandy and I did. And as a word of caution, be careful about giving your heart away too soon.

Rule #10: Pursue Wisdom
This seems a fitting way to end this list of ten rules. At the end of the day, I want my life to be characterized by wisdom. Eugene Petersen says that wisdom is the art of living skillfully in whatever actual conditions we find ourselves. It’s an art rather than science, and it’s very practical. The book of Proverbs paints this picture of wisdom as someone offering to be your friend as you make decisions, navigate relationships, steer clear of temptations, and simply seek to be successful in life. I don’t know about you, but this seems like a good friend to do life with. There’s no money you have to pay and no test you have to pass to get this kind of friend. You just have to want it. You have to pursue it.

This was a great exercise for me, and I highly recommend it to others. It took awhile to settle on these ten, and a year from now I might organize them a bit differently. But I feel good about this list. These are things that have mattered to me for a long time. I’m not positive how or when I’m going to share these with my sons, but I’m definitely looking forward to figuring that out!

Robert Grisham Posts